Probably more if you throw in the things you guys don’t think are a big deal but that can make our day to day lives miserable.Īnd the icing on the comment that I was trying to make about Dawn’s character being young, inexperienced and pretty, is that I am not. So that’s at least 1 in 15 of all the women you dudes meet (at least if you come over here). I’m sure there are also people out there that didn’t feel comfortable telling the govt about their SA.

I have no idea why nobody at the office of national statistics cares if you are over 75 and experienced SA.

That is not counting CSA as you have to be 16 to fill out the form yourself. Half of those ticked a further box to say more than once. We just want to speak out and be understood.Īnd for anyone interested, office of national statistics has my country (UK) at 1.6 million women between 16-74 having checked a box saying that they have experienced some form of legally defined sexual assault (rape or assault by penetration, indecent exposure or unwanted touching) on our most recent census. Yes, we want men to be accountable to themselves (and others) and yes, we would love to not be constantly exhausted thinking about exit strategies and precautions and just feel safe in the world but honestly, a lot of time when women say something, they just need another woman to say “I hear you.” Justice and reform of rape culture etc would be amazing but really, just let us talk about our experience without interrupting to defend your personal self or your gender as a whole or some dude you’ve probably never met. Yes, it’s because of some men, maybe a lot of men, maybe men that don’t even think they’re doing something wrong, and we get it puts men on the defensive hence the “not all men” apology we make when we talk about it but honestly, one dude that feels singled out and victimised seeing or hearing women relate the chore that can be just existing as a woman without getting murdered, raped, assaulted, cat called, indecently exposed at or harassed - it’s not about you. When we talk about day to day issues women face because of men, we just want for a moment to address our experience in the world. But you’d be surprised how many times a lesser form of SA or “grey area” comes up, a dude will go “yeah, but that’s not rape tho”Īnd tbh I think it is gracious that we do pre-fix these kind of talks with “not all men” because it obviously isn’t all men, but the conversation isn’t exclusively about the experience of men in the world. Of course the average man wouldn’t murder someone or rape someone by force and the idea appalls sane, well adjusted men. But I reckon if there was a completely honest survey, that went into the finer points of things men do to women that aren’t murder or penetration rape by force (eg unsolicited dick pics, harassing/verbally abusing them for saying no, pressuring, coercing or lying to get sex, swapping nudes with friends/any form of revenge porn, blue balls, friendzoning etc etc ). It’s hard to get accurate quantifiable data when asking men to reflect on something negative they might have done, it always will put people on the defensive and nobody likes being on the back foot. So I was being gracious there, I hope.īut yes. Or simply the obsession some dudes have with virgins/purity and being the one to take that to bring it back to my original point. Rather than things like “if I can’t have you no-one can” and the various delusions stalkers can get in their head.

Honestly, the reason I deleted the essay was because I reckoned that OP of that “out of bounds” comment probably was thinking something like “bros before hoes” aka you wouldn’t make a move on your mates wife or daughter, your brothers wife, the mother in law etc.

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